Lucky Seven

Seven years ago today I woke up early, one of the few times in my life I've jumped out of bed, ready and excited to start the day. I ate a hasty breakfast, and jumped in the car to go get my hair done, then raced to get dressed before dashing off to the church at 11:40am. I remember I wasn't nervous at all until I was alone with my father in the limo. I could feel my heart beating its way out of my chest. Five minutes later we arrived and my nerves were gone as I saw my family and friends arriving to witness our vows. So many people, so many special people made the journey to celebrate us.

The day was rainy, cold and grey. I could still see the sun shining though. Not a single droplet would ever have washed away my happiness. The day was perfect not for the weather, my dress, my hair, the centerpieces nor the awesome cake and flowers. It was perfect for who I married and I wouldn't change a single moment of it.

 

Today I woke up to the sound of our little Bear, now two, over the monitor. He was happily chatting with his stuffed animals. You were curled up next to me on one side, and our Bug (Can you believe he's four?) was curled up in the crook of my arm on the other side.

I am the luckiest girl in the world and the past seven years have been the happiest of my life. I love babe. Happy Anniversary.

Here's to many, many more.

 

Photos by the amazing Theresa Childs.

Betrayal

I run and my knees ache. My lower back, hips and pelvis also scream at me. I have been in and out of physical therapy for 10 years now. Exercise ends up discouraging me. But I like to run, to say I'm running. It feels good to know I'm doing something even if it hurts.

I am nearly 33. The only time my face has not broken out badly in 21 years was when I was when I was pregnant with Bear. I went to a dermatologist once as a young adult. I left mortified and have been too embarrassed to ever find another one.

I struggle to like myself more, and have more confidence so I'm not drawn to eating bad food. Food that makes it so much harder for me to lose weight, despite honest to goodness trying.

I constantly have a list of responsibilities a mile long. This week has been particularly bad, being that it's the first week of the month and therefore means that my work volume is greater. Add to that a stressful situation in a freelance job, a teething 2 year old, a 4 year old with nightmares and very little sleep for me, and I get a stomach/GI bug that lays me on my back on the sofa for the majority of Wednesday. (Luckily my job is working from home and I was able to meet my deadlines despite puking.)

I figured I'd have the weekend to catch up on my work and clean up my house some. I figured I'd be able to get a head start so next week is better, less stressful, with more balance and earlier bed times. But this morning, half a mile from the end of a 6 mile run, I started to get a migraine. A migraine so bad that I spent the rest of the day in bed until I couldn't stand being in bed anymore thinking about everything I wasn't catching up on, thinking about how tomorrow I have to wake up and tackle it all and rush around to get things in order and accomplished. I got up and got moving despite pain so bad I can't help but cry.

The thing is, I am not unhappy. I have a wonderful life, husband, children, home, family, friends. I am so lucky and thankful. I just feel like my body betrays me.

My body betrays me. And I don't know what to do about it.

Jacksonville Friends of Maddie

Last year I learned of the death of Maddie Spohr from a good friend of her parents, Maria. I clicked over to the family's blog and from that day on was captivated by the little girl with the golden curls and strikingly beautiful eyes. Her parents are inspiring, gracious, strong and kind. The have blogged through their grief, started a not-for-profit organization in honor of their daughter supporting families with children in the NICU, and recently welcomed another daughter, Annabel Violet, in to the world. Annabel was born nearly full-term and 100% healthy. You can read more about this amazing family and their wonderful little girl Madeline at The Spohrs Are Multiplying or at Friends of Maddie. See below for a message from the Spohrs from the Friends of Maddie website.

From FriendsOfMaddie.org:

"After 28 weeks and 6 days of an extremely rocky gestation, Madeline Alice was born on November 11, 2007. She weighed three pounds one ounce, and was 15 3/4 inches long. Because she was over 11 weeks premature, she was rushed to a Level III Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. She spent 68 long days there until the wonderful January afternoon she went home.

Maddie′s prematurity left her lungs scarred, but her amazing happiness remained unscathed. She lit up the lives of everyone she met (and countless more she didn′t) with her bright eyes, infectious laugh, and gigantic grin.

On April 6th, Maddie came down with a severe respiratory infection. She left the world suddenly and unexpectedly April 7, 2009."

This year I'm starting a Jacksonville Friends of Maddie group to raise money so that one day no family has to experience what the Spohrs and other families have gone (or are going) through. Sadly the Spohrs are not the first family I have known that have faced infant prematurity. So even though I walk for Friends of Maddie, I am also walking for Jake, for Ava, and for Vista. Jake is no longer with us but Ava and Vista are. And their families are no less amazing nor strong.

Are you local to Jacksonville or close by? Will you join our team and walk with us on April 24th?

Please help me in raising money to honor of the children we've lost and also to celebrate the ones that have lived.

The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

The Not-So-Secret Secret

Sometimes when I see the Girl Talk Thursday topics I wonder what the heck I am doing participating because I'm mortified beyond belief or have nothing to contribute. The latter was the case this week when I was reminded of the topic "Tell us your favorite 'beauty secret'."

Oh for heavens sake...



Runner Up Secret:
Hair Muds/Deep Conditioning Creams and an Air Rolling Brush Thingy.

I love my hair, it's fine but there is a massive amount of it. And every once in a while I use a deep conditioner or hair mud concoction to keep it sleek. I also avoid using a blow dryer (which results in me rocking a pony tail most days) but when I have to I use an all-in-one contraption that's hair dryer and curling brush in one. I am absolutely not coordinated enough to use both a hair dryer and traditional roll brush at the same time. So this contraption thing saves me a boat load of time, and I get volume and a soft curl under. Very nice.

# 1 Secret: Photoshop

Oh my favorite hobby has been useful for my self-image so many times. Every photo I publish of myself has most likely been retouched, color enhanced, cropped or something in Photoshop. I have terrible skin and am overweight, so I find myself touching up a lot of photos or cropping out my body. I know that people in real life don't get to see me retouched but I guess I'm vain about my digital appearance because that's a pretty easy, fast and simple fix to make. The real life stuff, well that's an on-going struggle of mine that's not beautiful and therefore, not a part of this post.

What's your "beauty secret"??

Guarded

Do you use privacy filters on Facebook? Do you accept friend requests but then compartmentalize them, these people being allowed to see your status updates, those people allowed to see photos, but not those over there?

I do. I use filters like a mo-fo.

I'm connected* on Facebook to some minors. Kids I babysat for in high school are now in high school (SOB) and have connected with me. Other current high schoolers have connected with me. I love it and I love to stay connected with them. But they don't need to see everything about me, every political opinion, link, etc. Not yet anyways.

*I should have added "Facebook Friends" to my list of Pet Peeves last week. I use this expression myself but I loathe it. If you are "Facebook Friends" with someone chances are you're friends with them also, so just say you connected with them on Facebook. Just a minor annoyance, I am not in the majority on this opinion.

I use filters to prevent some people, once thought close and wonderful friends, from seeing my links or family photos. I hide my contact info from others. If they need to get in touch with me they can message me on Facebook.

Most people see everything.

But I still feel the need to protect myself. 15 years ago I'd have said my life was an open book for all to read and discuss. Now? Now I am guarded. Now I lack the carefree trust that came with my youth. Now I look to protect my children, my family and my heart.

Are you active on Facebook? Do you trust everyone with everything you do in your space? Do you use privacy filters? Why? For what kinds of information?