Death Trap

Are you afraid of driving? No? Most people aren't. But we should be.

Yesterday I was driving down the interstate at 70mph and I put my right blinker on to move over to exit in a mile. The car in that lane was back far enough that I had room to get over, until I started to move over. She sped up. I slowed down. She slowed down. I sped up. She sped up. This went on for a few minutes, meanwhile my blinker is ON and the car behind her backed off to leave enough space for me to move in behind her after I had to slow down drastically. Guess what she was doing while she was driving? TEXTING. She was using my speed to judge her speed out of her peripheral vision. It wasn't until I noticeably dropped my speed that she LOOKED UP and noticed I was trying to get over. 70mph driving with peripheral vision. She was texting the whole time she was in the off ramp too and almost rear ended the cars stopped in front of her at the stop light. Thank God I got to turn the opposite direction from her at that light.

Five months ago I was in the car with my former boss going 70mpg down the same damn interstate and he takes out his cell phone while he's driving and begins reading his emails. I told him to put his phone away. He said it was fine and he was just reading, not texting. I told him to put the phone away again, that it could wait. He didn't. So I practically yelled at him "PUT THE DAMN PHONE DOWN while you are driving. I HAVE KIDS AT HOME." He finally put the phone down. Yeah, I pulled the kid card. He was irritated with me. I was livid with him.

Last week I heard about a young man we know who got a DUI. A good kid, responsible, great with children, funny and bright. He waited at his friend's house until he thought he was sober enough to drive home, hit a curb and blew out a tire. Someone called 911 as they passed him thinking it was more serious than it was. He thought he was sober enough. Thank God it was only a curb he hit. His friends didn't see this as a warning sign. One girl said something to the effect of "well you got caught in our circle so it can't happen to us since someone's already been caught." It took me a while to pick my jaw up off the floor for that one.

I check email, Facebook and Words with Friends at traffic lights. But when the light turns green I put my phone down. WHY take the chance? It can wait. I'm sorry but we're not that important and if you really believe you are, PULL OVER.

I'm seriously wary of driving at night now. I don't need some dip shit little girl thinking she can't get caught driving under the influence because her friend got busted and "whoever's heard of two people in the same group of friends getting busted?! OMG!" And in the day? The texters are everywhere, not paying attention, swerving, leaving little room for adjustment for other drivers. It's scary. Do you think it can't happen to you? I don't think that way. I think it's a very real possibility and so I pay more attention to what's going on around me. I mean, I have kids. Even if they aren't with me in the car to possibly be hurt, I wouldn't want them to grow up without me. Sure they'd survive but I don't want them to go through that.

I really don't think the majority of people will ever learn or ever stop. And that makes the roadways one giant death trap.

Calm

Things have been good lately. Really good. Our family is happy, healthy and growing. My new job is so much better than my old one. We have a great routine. To some it might seem boring and sometimes, even to us, it is a little boring. But it's comfortable and safe, and it's what I always imagined life was supposed to be like when you grew up, got an education and a job, bought a house and had kids. It's a good place.

But sometimes I find myself holding my breath. How long can the good last? It wasn't too long ago when we were down. And as far as I can look back in to my memories life has been a sine wave of highs and lows. So I am not so deluded to think that this high can last forever. I think it's the natural balance of life, so I expect more lows; and maybe with the wisdom of age and the clarity of hindsight I can weather the next cycle easier. I don't know. I hope so.

So now I'm writing this down to remind myself, whenever that low does come, that there will always be another high, probably better than even now - because again, as I file through my memories I only see life getting better each time. I just need to keep my head up, my mind somewhat rational (ha!) and open, and just relax a little.

I'll probably hate myself later when I need to be reading this. :)

I just need to be mindful.

Hatred Starts At Home. (insert - big fat frowny face)

A couple months ago I was volunteering in ChatterBug's classroom for their annual holiday party right before Winter Break. While the kids were in Music class another mother and I set up the plates and cookies and drinks. As we were placing the cookies the teacher rushed over to tell us not to put the Hanukkah cookies on this one girl's plate. I was a little puzzled as they were just sugar cookies with a frosting Star of David on them. So you know me, I asked her why.

Earlier that morning this little girl told all the kids in the class not to eat the cookies another girl brought in because Jewish people put poison in them. It went back and forth for a little while and resulted in both girls crying hysterically, then calls going home to both families at lunch time. It turns out the first little girl's family practices a religion that does not tolerate Judaism. The teacher handled the situation as beautifully as I could have hoped and later the two girls were the best of friends again on the playground. But I went home that day and cried.

In this day, in the face of bullying, horrific crimes and nonsensical destruction of decency, which the majority of people believe is worth preventing or stopping, why are we perpetuating hatred at home? That is where this starts; But it should never start to begin with, at least in my opinion.

Just today ChatterBug was in one of his obsessive "The Gators are way better than the Seminoles" moods (I mean no kidding, right? But...) and commented "I can't believe I had to play basketball with a SEMINOLE today." SIGH. So I had to have a conversation about how our family likes the Gators but other families like the Seminoles and it was ok and we don't have to be obnoxious about it (unless you're at a football game and all, I left that out) and we can still be friends with and like people who like different things from us. This led to a series of "Why?" questions (I thought that ended at three years old?) which resulted in "if we were all the same Bug, it'd be BORING."

Sports metaphors for acceptance? I don't know. This is serious stuff. How can you teach your children to hate others based on their religion, skin color, sexual orientation, sports team... or even arm length, eye color, hair color, or other arbitrary trait or choice? It makes me sick and so very, very sad.

Life Happens

So it's been a while. A long while but that's ok. I must still have a lot to say though, because certainly despite Hubs thinking I fall asleep easily (which I guess I do), I don't sleep well. And that's partly because my brain doesn't turn off and I think through everything over and over again, and partly because I'm pregnant again. Baby Man #3 (how am I going to feed 3 teenage boys?) is on his way later this year!

In other news Bug, who really isn't a Bug anymore, more like a Chatterbox, is in Kindergarten, loving it, rocking it and owning it. But he. does. not. stop. talking. It's my karmic payback. My first report card ever has the comment "talks too much" on it. Thankfully his did not. It said he was a sweet child who is eager and enjoyable. Well no kidding. He's obsessed with Metroid (Thanks Hubs) even requesting Metroid cupcakes for his 6th birthday in December, and would happily play the xBox all day if we let him. Luckily he loves playing sports too, and watching football, so we find balance somehow. Recently he has discovered how cool Legos are. That might be due to our recent trip to Legoland, FL or the slew of cool legos he received for his birthday. Ninjago Masters of Spinjitzu books and TV shows also help. I don't need to read the instructions to games or homework to him anymore, and he can color in the lines now too, something he could have cared less about at the start of Kindergarten. He has an overactive imagination which he is sort of afraid of, but he's prone to randomly running up to me to kiss my belly and talk to his baby brother.

My little Bear is not so little anymore either. He turned 4 last November and we had a fun Angry Birds birthday party for him. He is turning out to be an epic storyteller, not in the lying to get out of trouble way, just that he's really good at details and thinking through what "should" happen next. It started a while ago with us looking a the globe pointing out where we've been, where we live, etc. Suddenly it was "I've been there, to Canada. It's cold there and I go to work there in my little blue car. You can call me at work but I won't miss you Mommy because I'll be busy and I might not have a telephone that day when you decide to call." And it's progressed in to "Today I flew my helicopter to work. I park it at my home at night before I come to your house. Sometimes I work in China and that's a long way to fly. I have to stop for gas sometimes so I can make it. I don't want to fall in the water." This drives Bug CRAZY. Just last night he was all like "Mom, he's using his IMAGINATION AGAIN! WHEN will he learn?!" Meanwhile Bear says "No, it's real. You just don't see it" in a "too bad so sad" tone of voice. Bear is still insistent on being first in line or winning races but now that he's started basketball he is beginning to understand team work better. He is absolutely my snuggle bum and still loves to drink "Warm Milk a bunch a bunch" when he wakes up in the morning. I don't know when that will stop but it's not in a bottle or anything so I really don't mind. He's also only a half inch shorter than Bug was on Bug's 5th birthday. I predict him to be taller than Bug in just a couple years at this rate.

Hubs and I are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary today too. Nine years, holy cow it's flown by. We had a sonogram this morning and it was great to see Baby Man moving all around making it extra difficult for the tech to measure the heart stuff. This does not bode well for our not-too-distant future as I foresee this child being the most stubborn. Regardless it was a special anniversary gift to see our baby. We were planning to go out to dinner tonight with the kids to celebrate until Bug started throwing up EVERYWHERE a little while ago. So in true married fashion we're going to order pizza and snuggle our kids, laugh it off and just be incredibly happy looking around at the kick ass life we've made for ourselves. I kind of think it's perfect actually.

I want a 100%

Have you aligned with a percent? Are you a 99% leaner? A 53% leaner? Neither? BOTH? (You can be both you know, it's POSSIBLE.) Are you excited that people are remembering their roots and fighting for the very truths this country once held to be self evident?

Or are you one of those people with your head so far up your own ass that you think you *made it* all by your own self, with no help, support, nor love from others? Do you think you're special? Do you think you are the only person working hard, trying hard, and living life? Are you a better human because you've kept your head above water? Clearly you have grown a huge pair of balls. How about your grow a warm, beating heart now?

*I* am in the 53%. I work hard. I pay my taxes. I do not carry bad debt.

*I* am in the 99%. I work hard. I pay my taxes. I do not carry bad debt.

I am doing ok right now. Now. Probably tomorrow too. I think I am lucky, fortunate, blessed.

BUT, I believe that others are struggling. I believe some people make the best choices they can but still hurt sometimes. I DON'T believe that those people are lazy, terrible, sacks of shit that don't deserve to live or breathe the same air as me. I believe in being as fair as possible - but when things aren't going to be fair, I believe in supporting the underdog, the weak, the down trodden and the poor. Yes, some people will abuse the system. It will happen. But do you want to talk about the people working the system of welfare when there are people working the tax system too?

What if *I* was in the 47%? What if *I* needed help? Would you, my friends, cast me off because another person maybe could have, kind have tried a little harder? I believe there is a better life for everyone if we stand together, united with a common purpose of decency, respect and kindness.

Do you ever ask yourself these questions? Do you consider that some day *you* might need help, patience, support or respect for no other reason than because you are alive, human, and maybe a little lost?

*I* am human. I have hopes. I have dreams. I work. I care. I love. I try to remember every day that I am no better than anyone else. I make mistakes. I am a work in progress, and I didn't get here by myself.

I want there to be a 100%. 100% decency. 100% happy. 100% successful. 100% compassionate. 100% human; the good kind of human though.

We can all be united or untied. It only matters where you put your *I.*