Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What am I doing?

What the hell am I doing starting another blog about being a mom, trying to lose weight, trying to work from home, and trying to feel normal when there thousands of blogs on the same subjects? Maybe because I read these blogs and think "hell yeah! that's what I'm talking about." But wait, I'm not talking. Until now anyways.

I have a ton of crap going on in my head right now.

I'm a mother to two amazing, wonderful boys; my Bug and my Bear. I finally got another job, after 6 months. It's a work from home job doing marketing. LOVE IT. I still send the kids to my mom's three days a week (more on that later) and then pre-school for the mornings the other two days. Seriously, have you tried to work with a 3 year old and a 1 year old underfoot? They ignore me until the phone rings. They play nicely until I have an email to send. You get it, right?

I am trying to lose 30-40 pounds. Yeah. That's embarrassing to write down actually. And I'm struggling. Yesterday I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I did the program 7 years ago to drop 25 pounds before my wedding. I kept that off for years until... I GOT PREGNANT. Hello? Anyone out there hearing the bells ringing? I swore I'd never be that person who didn't lose the weight. Ha. My mother always told me not to swear... Anyways I signed up for Weight Watchers because I need accountability. I'm an emotional eater. That whole STRESSED is DESSERTS backwards thing. Comfort food is my friend (vice) and for the longest time last year I was an emotional roller-coaster. You must be able to imagine what that did for my middle section. But I'm also fairly practical. I get so many POINTS (have to capitalize or WW-Big Brother might get mad) and if I eat them all in one icecream cone, then I'm screwed. So now I am back to outsmarting myself. What can I eat to feel full and still get something sweet, and not spend very many POINTS? It's ridiculous. I'm obsessing about food again but I'm choosing to think of this being in the positive direction.

I also need a place to bitch about politics, injustices, friendship, my attempt to be more Zen... a place to unload. I never had a diary as a kid. But as a kid I never had so much stress as I do now. Most of it's good stress. Most of it. I'm pretty lucky actually. I have the greatest friends and family ever. It's me who gets carried away and messed up.

My husband is the one who came up with the word "messponential." He used it to describe the potential for a child's toy to create a mess in a minuscule amount of time. You know, that box of legos. That other box of Hot Wheel cars... those wooden puzzles with the foot killing little pegs on all the pieces? Those toys that just explode from the cute little cubby holes you just effing put them back away in to? I don't really bother cleaning the playroom that often anymore. What's the point?

So the mess potential is exponential... and in more ways than the disaster of my Bug and Bear's playroom. Let's see how it goes from here.

Have you ever heard the song 2am by Anna Nalick? "These words are my diary screaming outloud... and I know that you'll use them however you want to."

Yeah, that's me. That's this. The rest is you.


Anonymous April 23, 2009 at 10:16 AM  

I work from home with a 3 1/2 year old and a five month old. It's fascinating, hard, challenging, and fun.

I never know what's going to happen on any given day and I am up very late some nights trying to get there.

VERNACULAR April 23, 2009 at 9:40 PM  

I very much like that you are bitching about your attempt to be more Zen.

I've been nodding my head, too. And now my voice is starting to join the conversation.

This post is funny! You've rolled it all into one.