Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Mama called the Doctor and the Doctor Said...

... It's not a tumor.

Well sort of.

I've had this odd bump on my left arm for years. No pain, just weird. I likened it to a failed board breaking attempt in karate years ago when I effectively "meatloafed" my arm. Today I found out that the karate "accident" was more than likely mere coincidence in the formation of the bump. I finally got off my butt to go to a doctor to have it looked at.

Now...Imagine going in to a doctor's office, being taken EARLY, seeing the doctor at the EXACT time of your appointment, not an hour after your appointment, after already having three xrays taken, all your paperwork filled out... nothing left except for the doctor to tell you that this bump is not growing in your bones (score!) and that it should be removed and it's probably only a fat deposit, a benign tumor called a lipoma and he's 99.9% sure it's no big deal. But hey you also have to get an MRI to be sure, let's do that and then we can schedule the outpatient procedure and you won't have to wear a splint but you'll have to come back 10 days later to have the stitches removed.


I walked out 15 minutes after my appointment time, spending a sum total of 40 minutes at the office, totally wondering why other doctor's offices can't operate in such amazingly organized fashion. I was fairly euphoric that I didn't waste my afternoon sitting around that place. Of course I have to go back next week for the MRI and the laws of balancing have already declared that will be an appointment from hell and I should just bring lots and lots of work to do because something or another will get completely screwed up and it'll take hours. Like a NORMAL doctor's visit.


The very best part about the visit was filling out the paperwork. One question was "on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most severe, how would you rate your pain? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10? I circled 0 and then drew a smiley face in it. Stupid people not checking their work. Don't they know someone with a marketing degree and a mild case of anal retentiveness will snort loudly in the waiting room while filling out the form?

Anyways - score that this is nothing serious and I'm on my way to having my arm back to a state where people don't look at me funny when they notice.

And even better - my body decided to stop growing so much fat in my ass. FTW people. FTW.