Thursday, April 29, 2010

Grown Up, Mostly

It's been a while since I posted for Girl Talk Thursday here on my own blog. Most of the time I forget it's Thursday and if weren't for the little calendar reminders I set up for when I host, well, I'm lucky to remember. Heck these days I'm lucky if I can find my check book (it was in the garage... don't ask) or my pen that I just had two minutes ago (it was over my ear... this morning... true story).

Oh but this week - What did you want to be when you grew up?

I love it.

So yeah this implies that I think I've actually grown up. Most of the time I think I have but sometimes I wonder how the heck I got here, like "when did this happen?!" I always wanted to be a mom, to be married with a nice house and two cars and the fenced yard. I wanted to work but I wanted to be the mom that was home when school let out, who drove to all the sports practices and music lessons or whatever activities. So far I'm living that part of my dream. And I'm a happy, happy girl.

Unless you ask me about my job.

I really have no idea what I wanted to be when I was little. I fancied being a teacher, some sort of business person, an Olympic Horseback Riding Champion, but mostly, an astronaut. I have Space Camp to thank for that. Sadly, I never made the grades like Tish did.

But I do get to say I'm a teacher and a business person. The horse thing? Must have been a phase.

Mostly I am happy with what I am doing for work. I'm still unhappy with the pay and the fact that I'm constantly questioned about whether I am putting in the hours required. I'm running myself ragged and I find myself realizing that this pain isn't going to result in much gain, financially anyways, as I originally thought. I am looking... so fingers crossed.

But, every time I write the mortgage check, or pay the utilities, dress my children, or buy groceries I think "wow, I'm the adult now." I'm watching the kids I babysat for graduate from high school, go to college, asking "What do I want to be when I grow up?" And I can close my eyes and picture the exact time I was in those shoes. And when the blink is over, and that breath exhaled, I can only smile. Because I hope that in 16+ years they've figured it out, that they are living their dreams, and are as happy as I am.