Monday, October 11, 2010

Master of None.

I'm struggling.

And I'm thriving.

I work best under pressure. My best papers, highest quality projects, best retention on studying have always been done at the last minute.

When I have more to do I am at the top of my game.

But my lack of confidence threatens the careful balance of keeping so many balls harmoniously juggled in the air.

It doesn't help that I'm battling injury (again) and off my work-out routine.

I just don't feel like I'm good at anything. Or rather, I'm good at a lot of things. But I don't excel at anything.

I try so hard to talk myself out of every negative emotions I have towards myself. I wish I could let go and allow myself to just feel whatever it is I want to feel. I get caught up in the "you shouldn't feel this way because..." rationalizations in my mind. I can step through "well this happened today that was different and then that caused *this* to happen" ... and why the hell should I freaking care? Action. Reaction. LEARN. MOVE ON. LIVE. You should listen in on the conversations I have in my head where I'm always trying to figure out what should be the high road and take it.

I've got to get out of my head.